A growing number of couples today are choosing to host destination weddings. This approach simplifies guest logistics no need to shuttle between multiple sites and also helps ensure everyone is safe after a night of celebrating! Of course, if you’re not having a ceremony in a church, you’ll need to find someone qualified to officiate. Here are a few important pointers, beginning with the essentials required by U.S. states.
First: Regulations vary by state and by country. Some places require a short residency period, while others mandate a blood test or even two separate ceremonies (one at the local registry office and another before your guests). In Maine, where I live, three types of professionals are legally allowed to conduct weddings: attorneys who are members of the Maine State Bar, clergy from any denomination (including online-ordained ministers), and Notaries Public. Generally, you must apply for your marriage license in person at your local town or city hall; no one else can apply on your behalf. And if you were previously married, be prepared with a certified copy (not a photocopy) of your divorce decree or death certificate.
Second: After you obtain your license, keep it safe until you hand it over to your officiant usually at the rehearsal. Remember that once you pass it along, you won’t see it again; it needs to be filed by the officiant at the town hall post-ceremony. I work with many out-of-state and international couples, so I always advise them, when completing their license application, to request a certified copy be mailed to them afterward. This small extra fee is worth the peace of mind and is particularly useful for brides changing their name. Be aware that in many states, if the couple shares an address, they must apply for the license in the town or city of their mutual residence.
Third: Don’t leave this essential step until the last minute. You should meet your officiant early in the planning process, even before getting the license, because this is the most important and only legally binding part of the entire day!
I once had a couple who assumed I would handle their license application for them. On their wedding day, the groom was horrified to realize the marriage wouldn’t be legal. Rather than alarm the bride busy getting ready we went ahead with the ceremony for the guests, then visited city hall on Monday and held a quick legal ceremony with a valid license!
Now that you know some legal basics, what questions should you ask yourself and your officiant?
- Most importantly: Does your officiant know exactly where the ceremony will take place? Is it within reasonable driving distance? Keep in mind some states have multiple towns with the same or very similar names so be sure everyone’s headed to the right venue!
- Are you comfortable with the officiant? Does this person seem genuinely interested in who you are as a couple where and how you met? In these changing times, with many family dynamics (including exes and stepfamilies), it can help to have an officiant who navigates these sensitivities tactfully.
- Does the officiant offer sample ceremonies, vows, and readings to spark your ideas? If you’d like to write your own vows, is that allowed? It’s your day, so you should have the freedom to customize it.
Budget is always a consideration, and fees will vary based on an officiant’s expertise. Some officiants only appear on the wedding day this could be a recipe for disaster. You want someone at the rehearsal to coordinate how the wedding party lines up, to manage the processional, and to guide attendants on protocol (e.g., no gum, no alcohol during the ceremony, save that for the party!). Your officiant plays a crucial role, and the 20-minute ceremony is just the tip of the iceberg. We’ll talk more about how much preparation is involved in another blog post.
Meanwhile, who’s responsible for hiring and paying the officiant? Traditionally, it was the groom, though that custom is often no longer followed. Years ago, I got a panicked call from a large hotel the day before a ceremony because each partner had assumed the other was booking the officiant. I happened to have a half marathon scheduled that same day, but since the ceremony was late, I managed to make both events. The moral? Book your officiant early!
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